Lord Cleaver; Keeper of the Mercenaries

The Lord Cleaver, despite the connotations of the job, is a role for a businessman more than it is a task for a soldier. It requires a level headed approach to diplomacy, a working knowledge of who Slothjemia views as a potential adversary, and a keen eye for knowing when to hold back resources instead of putting them into the field to earn money for the Imperial Treasury. Most every person that has held the title of Lord Cleaver has had extensive military experience, and almost always they have earned the job after serving in Her Majesty’s reserve armies.

In addition to keeping the reserve armies in good shape, the Lord Cleaver is responsible for keeping them trained and armed. Feeding them isn’t much of an issue, because they only need to be supplied if Slothjemia has called them up to fight in one of their own wars. But the reserve armies are also a mercenary force, and from time to time they are hired out, en masse, to serve the interests of foreign powers. The two main sources of income for such ventures are Geldenreich and the city-state of Kugahloo. These wealthy neighbors to Slothjemia often have need for the brute force and highly trained battle prowess of the goblinoids, either to defend their territory (as is the case primarily with Kugahloo), or to crush other goblinoids that are posing a problem within their borders (often the case with Geldenreich). There have been a few instances, especially with Geldenreich, in which the Slothjemians were hired to outflank an opponent during a war, and in exchange for a tidy sum of gold coins, the Slothjemians roared to attack and give the enemy a thorough, and utterly unexpected, thrashing. This keeps many reservists in excellent shape militarily, and they should never be confused with the pitchfork-wielding peasants of other countries that are summoned forth to defend homeland and hearth. They might not be as disciplined as their brethren in the regular army, but they can certainly give a fine accounting for themselves.

The other, less important, job of the Lord Cleaver is to make sure that private armies of mercenaries that operate out of Slothjemia are properly taxed and regulated. In times of war, these smaller, independent companies are bound by law to defend the Empire, and any that fail to answer their nation’s call to arms will find themselves legally disbanded, and hunted as brigands by law enforcement and the regular military. Seeing as there are no “sword carrying laws” in the realm, this is the one way that the Empire has to make sure that individuals do not create and field their own armies, without there being severe consequences. This aspect of the job also insures that mercenary units operating out of Slothjemia are never hired by enemies of the Empire to fight against Slothjemia. This should go without saying, but you’d be surprised how many countries have difficulty with this exact issue.