Oh Honey… the time to object to the Marriage was before he asked her to be his Bride

Slothjemian weddings are wonderfully chaotic events filled with strong drink, strong emotions, and plenty of chances to get yourself punched in the throat for making some smartass comment. These are also perfectly good opportunities to stab a rival just so long as they aren’t the bride or the groom. Because if there is one thing that Slothjemians do not believe in it is giving anyone a chance to object to the proceedings. If you had any reason to keep these two people apart then damn it you shoulda said something  long before the priest is standing there tapping his foot waiting for this to be over so he can hit the open bar.

There are plenty of other peculiarities to Slothjemian nuptial ceremonies. For example, the Groom selects somebody close to him to be the Best Man, same as in every other culture in Partum, but the Best Man in this case is literally called upon to replace the Groom if for some reason he doesn’t show up, gets murdered on the way to the church, or is shot in the back with a +4 Arrow of Ranger Slaying during the ceremony itself. Nobody wants to face a Slothjemian Bride that has been jilted or denied her moment at the altar. The Best Man can’t back out or otherwise avoid this duty, so it is important for the Groom to choose wisely.

Another interesting aspect of the ceremony is how the father of the Bride hands off his daughter to the Groom. The father holds his daughters hand and literally places it in the outstretched hand of the Groom. The Bride’s father may then make some passing threat or warning not to hurt his little darling because we are after all Slothjemian and let me assure you they will never find your remains if you do.

An interesting side note are the rare occasions when a marriage is viewed to be something more than just the union of two people in love and more like a formal alliance between families or countries. As a hypothetical let’s say, oh I don’t know, how about a Fanolanian baron looking to perhaps start his own realm decides to marry a noble Slothjemian girl. Maybe a princess. Let’s say princess as this is just an example. So the Slothjemian Royal Family is going to view this marriage as more than just their daughter marrying a foreigner. A country like Slothjemia can provide an enormous amount of support to an ambitious lord looking to take control of a small nation with the goal of growing it into a large nation. There could be a number of other things that Slothjemia might do; provide vast amounts of information, help influence other rulers to react favorably to this baron as he sets about doing his own thing, perhaps even provide some key high-ranking people such as wizards, clerics, assassins, paladins or archer lords to help the baron and his princess bride cement themselves as rightful rulers not to be trifled with.

Now let’s say that somebody gets the idea to show up just in time to throw a monkey wrench in the wedding plans. If Slothjemia was willing to do a lot for the marriage to succeed, what do you imagine they might do if the wedding is called off? If the princess is enraged by this breech of etiquette, might one also presume that her native land would be likewise incensed? Handily the most powerful military power in Partum, poised to help out this baron and now being told the deal is off. Well the armies are already here. So are a fair number of the assassins. Plenty of powerful spellcasters now feeling the sting of betrayal along with their beloved princess. That seems like a recipe for disaster, doesn’t it?

Hypothetically, of course.